Why was I away!

Not always in life, that you are super motivated or charged up and that ‘not always’ gets longer when you don’t find a reason to rejuvenate your mind or your thought process to be precise. I hate myself for being lazy and pretending to be busy , just so that I can get away from what I used to make time for, earlier. To be honest, I was trying to ignore what I like to do the most and kind of accepted the failure. And why or how is that? I will tell you. There is a thing called “approval”. Getting approved or accepted by the society and the world around you is a very keen need people seek for, and so did I. Call me immature but we all go through it someday. But does it all that matters? Does getting recognized for what you do is everything for you? Cant you just do anything for your own-self and not for the sake of how the world will take it, or if the world will ever absorb it? If you like it, you would do it. Not for the acceptance from people you don’t know , but for it satisfies your soul, for it gives you peace of mind and for it gives you a better sleep at night.

There was a time in my life not too long ago, when I believed in doing it all. May be it was a very small span of time in this long life of mine, but it was there. I would cook, do house chores besides a full time job along with weekend birding, blogging about them, recording husband’s guitar videos and spending hours in editing them. I thought this is the best version of me and this is the best my life can offer so I pour it all, I pour it all ,just except the soul.

” Don’t gain the world & lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold”. -Bob Marley

When you don’t feel it from inside, that will to push your limits, when you start getting thoughts like ‘its not worth it’ or ‘I cant do it anymore’, that’s exactly when you start to getting ‘depressed’ without realizing it. I am not going to bore you on ‘in and out about depression’ now, (or should I? OKAY! may be some other time) not today. When your brain stops pulling the positive strings and starts working on the weak ones, you surely know that its not the best of your time. But if you have HOPE, you will make it. You will definitely get out of it, just like how you get over after loosing a very old friend of yours, who used to share every little secret over lunch break, but now won’t even aid in your life’s hardest time. Yes, you will get over it, if you are willing to praise yourself. If you think, you are capable of more. Yes, you will get to the bright side, if you have the strength of letting go, if you believe in ..

‘ There is a sunrise after every darkness’.

I did what I thought I need to do then but somewhere deep inside , I knew I am doing it all just for the sake of doing it,for getting that one praise or for the welfare of getting all the credit. Not getting the credit that I thought I deserve would make me sad.Just like any other human being not getting praises for baking a beautiful chocolate cake that he/she put so much effort in. I would get sad, I would get annoyed and I would get furious at times. It was just beginning of the worst for the impatient person that I was. It could be anything, but definitely not the best of I.

I was not low on my will power that is what I realize now. It took time, it definitely did but what is more important is that it happened. Giving up on something ‘you may be good at’ can never be a solution of your frustrations. Time lets you realize a lot of things. And CHANGE is one big thing that helps in CHANGing you, positively. When the forwarding time fails to claim, sometime in your own company does the job.

Now that I don’t seek for the fake praise or the unrealistic credit for everything, now that I don’t look up to the numbers but the value of the precious,I have decided to come back here, to write my heart out, to create a space for each and every bit of emotion that I or you have. Because now is the best we have known,

‘Time and tide waits for none. And if you keep waiting for it, believe me , its never gonna come.’

You take charge on life before it does. You be the warrior of your own fights. You be the light to your own darkness. And you be the HOPE to your own sadness. Lets have a great time here sharing some optimism with lots and lots of love and laughter.

Cheers, Riya ❤

Just thinking…

 

Just thinking how the world will turn out, after all the blues is over. Will it be green Or will it be red?

Just thinking how will the nature accept us, after all the blood our hands shed?

Just thinking how will we come across with the faces of ours, with the occupied minds being misread?

Just thinking how the waves will be in time , will they be silent or will they be overheard?

Just thinking how will the flowers bloom in this Era of gloomy mindsets?

Just thinking how will WE turn out to be, will we be HUMANS or yet another junkie following trends?

Just thinking how the world will turn out after all the blues is over.. Will it be green or will it be RED?

Just thinking……

 

~Riya

4th April 2020. I woke up this morning a bit late to usual as it is one of my work-from-home quarantine days that is happening 3 times a week during the nation-wide lockdown in India. Seeing the COVID-19 growth rate and all the negatively spread videos could spoil anyone’s mood for a beautiful day ahead. So I decided not to go through my social media-s ,first thing in the morning and instead look at some beautiful bird images clicked by me (which are finally processed and lying in my phone for quite some time now). So I picked up this very bright and multi-colored bird called Chestnut crowned laughing thrush, that I had taken various shots of in Neora valley National park. Talking of Neora valley, what reminds me of is the calmness in my mind that it gave me. That was a trek which will forever be in my memory as a treasure just for the silence it offers, the silence that Nature offers. So, looking at the image , I started thinking of a good caption to justify it (proving myself as an avid Instagram-er 😉 ). I kept thinking looking at the colors this bird possess simultaneously at the beautiful trees outside my window with the videos,I saw yesterday on the spread of corona virus in India, being mingling in the frontal lobe in one side of my cerebrum, I could come up with this ‘some-what-like-poetry’. Ths is not one of those days that I want to do a lot, but this is one of those days when I want to contribute a lot by doing nothing. You should do the same now too. Stay Home Stay Safe.

Untill next time

Much love

Riya ❤

SHE ~ poetry

She
who is she?

She is the cloud covering the mountains,
She is the unreachable tip of the hill
She is the elevation.

She is the sparkles of the fire,
She is the dew on the leaves you can only admire
She is the feel.

She is the silhouette of the setting sun,
She is the closeness of moonlight companion
She is the silence.

She is the cherry on your ice-cream, that looks perfect un-eaten
She is the soap bubbles you cant catch,
She is the dream.

She is the twinkle of the stars,
She is the cold breeze you feel from far,
She is the bloom.

She is the unforgettable bite,
She is the warmth of blanket in cold night,
She is comfort.

She is the unread chapter of your story,
She is the hidden glory,
She is the mystery.

She is the bird that never returned home,
She is the long awaited wish,
She is the prayer.

She is the wing you want to fly with,
She is the vision you see beauty,
She is the first touch.

She is the salt in your food,
She is the drug on your wound,
She is the need.

She is the hug you live for,
She is the kiss you long for.
She is love.

She is the mist in the foggy night,
She is the arms you want to hold tight,
She is togetherness.

She is your cake, your tea
She is the basic,
She is luxury.

She is the sound of the waves,
She is the chirp you crave,
She is happiness.

She is the sweetest voice,
She is the kindest heart,
She is the longing.

She is the mermaid of your fantasy,
She is the star in your dreams,
She is Her.

Somewhere in the clouds
in the foggy mountains
in the salty oceans
you will find her.

Still the conclusion awaits.
Who is she?

~Riya

Prominently Similar- Poetry

“

The perception of viewing a thing particular
Seems so prominently similar
To the one that was owned earlier,
but now older.

 

The continuous denial of the truth
in vision of having the same eye
that mind ignores and the heart sees through

 

The sustainable trial of accepting the offer
that has been served
with love and no risk of nearby adieu

The concept of expecting equal warmth in the arms
of the person you had and now you persue
catering the same to the individual
you pray to provide your love to.

The provision of infinite supply
of the promise made
without a known fortune
to take the side by.

The understatement of the inner self
to postpone the happiness for the time being
and stay up for the pretention
towards the one and only human being.

The perception of viewing a thing particular
Seems so prominently similar
To the one who was the beholder,
but now a moulder.

                                                                                                                                             “

 

Much love

Riya

It Hurts! ~ Poetry

I saw it coming
But still it hurts

I knew you would disappear someday
But still it hurts

I knew the time we were in was not gonna pause
But still it hurts

I knew there was nothing called forever
But still it hurts

I knew all the hugs, kisses and nightlong chats were temporary
But still it hurts

I knew you would be someone else’s possession
But still it hurts

I knew even my thoughts would be vanished from your mind
But still it hurts

I knew we will be soon strangers again
But still it hurts

I knew it all
I saw it coming
And STILL IT HURTS!

-Riya

Too many heartbreaking poetries recently. No worries. I am setting myself free this time and letting my wings open to fly high. Stay up for my upcoming posts. Be connected.

Much love

Riya

As I turn 28 !

So, on 9th of March 1990, a cute,little baby girl was born to Mr. and Mrs.Roy in burdwan. Hence on 9th march 2018 (easy calculation though 😉 ),she turned 28. Yes,that cute, innocent, studious is now grown up to be a psycho writer and a bird freak. Well you are absolutely right, that would be ME,of course me,who else would call me innocent or dare to call me a freak 😀

In a glance if I say,it continued for three awesome days. As you read on,you will realize how freaking awesome it was for me that it took me 4 days to get over the madness and write this up.

CAUTION : I am going to brag a lot about my surprisingly romantic husband. Keep reading if you enjoy. Well just keep on reading 😉

Day 1

A day before my birthday is a brilliant day for lady to be born in,but no surprises I was a day late 😀 Well 8th March it was, I was already in a great mood at my work place and there entered this elderly customer with a red rose and chocolates to wish the only lady staff “A very prosperous Women’s day”. No wonder my face shined like a star. With all the beautiful thoughts, I finished my day job and left for home. I was waiting at this children’s park for my husband to pick me up as regular routine. He arrived ,I hopped on the back seat of our two wheeler. HE turned the bike exactly opposite to our way home and started. To crush all my arising queries, his answer was “we are going to have nariyal pani (coconut water )”. I was like okay.. As I sat quietly, we crossed the coconut seller,the market and many more turns to be said before the road took us where we were leading i.e. Mall De Goa. As I was blabbering how frizzy my hair is and how awful do I look, he dragged me inside and rushed me to one of those Sunglass stores. Bought me a nice pair of glares (I needed one badly!) along with some casual shopping like a perfect husband for the very first time 😛

This may sound too ordinary to you but all these were kind a first for me in 28 years. More to come. Surprise over surprise.

when the clock hit 00:00 the cake was set on the table.I cut it while singing “happy birthday to me” at the top of my voice. HE joined me taking laugh-intervals while filming my craziness. So far so good.

Day 2

It was my birthday,we didn’t take leave and were at our work places.I wasn’t having that a good day till I reach home in the evening. A parcel of another birthday cake and chocolates were waiting for me. That was from the newest member of my family. My sweetest boudibhai (sis-in-law). It was past 6.30 and I was literally ordered to be ready by 8 pm. As it turned 8,I was almost ready ,like ALMOST 😀 my door bell rang. I opened up to find one of our few friends we hang out with standing with a big chocolate in his hand. I shouted with surprise “where are we going after all? will someone tell me already”. No one did of course. I cut the new cake and left for my unknown destination.

I couldn’t guess at all where our friend’s GPS took us. It “was ‘THALLASSA ,in little vagator”. I have heard about this place but the enthusiasm of being there got me.Such happening place, I tell you such happening place. Dining tables looking over the beautiful Ozran beach,awesome upbeat music and not-at-all cheesy but bouncy crowd dancing and enjoying the Friday night out. There were food,drinks,performances and lots and lots of crazy music. In short not-at-all my husband’s type. I looked at him and he uttered ” Enjoy your birthday sweetheart. Table will be ready by 9″. The very moment I fell for HIM again I swear. Nonetheless to say we boozed up and I danced like crazy.

Day 3

Arrives the day after.10th March 2018. 2nd Saturday. A holiday for us. I already smelled something fishy as they tried to keep it secret as strongly as possible. We were up and ready by 10 AM and again I didn’t know where were we going. After riding for almost 45 km we reached our destination lead by our friend’s GPS again.

My eyes opened wide as I read the board ” Welcome to Bondla Wildlife sanctuary”. Which place else could be the best surprise for a wildlife enthusiast like me! Though my lens couldn’t support me that day as it needs treatment,I had a memorable time out there INTO THE WILD.

Its not about visiting particular place or dining at a specific restaurant,its the thought process behind all of them that matters. All the planning that HE did just to make my birthday special simply cannot be praised by simple words. I usually call him an ‘unromantic introvert guy’ but not anymore. Romanticism isn’t about the roses,chocolates or expensive gifts. For me the definition of romanticism changed forever. I have known him for a decade now and all I say about him is that he is different from others. But that is what that makes him ‘Unique‘.

Lastly to my dear Partner, I just want to thank you for the love and support that you have showered upon me in all these years. I might not even deserve them. And this is by far the best birthday for me. And I wont hesitate to say “I am a proud wife of a freaking awesome husband “.

That’s it people!

Thanks for reading till the end. Hope you enjoyed as I did 🙂

Until next time.

Much love,

Riya

Yes I am A woman! ~Poetry on woman’s day

Yes I am A woman!

Yes I am A woman
But also a human, just like you
Not something you can easily accrue.

Pink has been signified as my hue
But if needed I might turn into blue.

Be it Mother Teresa, Kalpana Chawla or Mary Kom
I have been famous to make a debut
To start a trend new.

But the dream I always wanted to Pursue
Is long time overdue
Definition of respect needs to get renewed.

I am not a TOY that you will screw
Or even buy with your so-called-revenue.

Even my purest form of blood for the society is a TABOO
And the way you deal with me is okay with you???

Length of my skirt and my striped belly is what you want to sue
The day will come, my long hairs and big eyes will be a matter of risk too.

You say, you respect me
I believe that’s untrue
I will ponder upon you
The day you will actually do!

Look beyond my modesty and
Peek into my dignity
If you still find me unfamiliar
Look around any and every corner!

Be it your mother, sister, friend, teacher or Who…
Believe me! I am a woman
But also a human just like you!

———————————————————–

8th March is celebrated as International Women’s day. Let’s not celebrate the day but celebrate the womanhood.

Much love

Riya

The Void ~ Poetry

“THE VOID”

I wish I could fill the void inside me
I wish I could erase the emptiness

I wish I could just take a leap
And jump to the year I had been dreaming asleep

I wish I could explain how difficult it is
To live in my current biz

I wish not to assume everything is okay
And pretend not to be happy for a single day

I wish to not re-think
I wish my life would just shrink

I wish not to wait for a bunce
To pause the beating at once

Much love,

~Riya

Left behind ~ Poetry (Haiku)

There was a time

I loved a girl

I knew she loved me back 

The way I did

Or even more than that.

For the obvious reasons

I couldn’t be hers &

She couldn’t be mine

Like all the other stories

I was left behind. 

   – Tale by a lonely lover.

My first attempt on haiku(not exactly Japanese version but short poetry or free verse).

Much love

Riya

To be married_ emotions of a GIRL (Bengali write up)

Sorry to my non-bengali  friends. I really tried but couldn’t give these feelings beautiful English words and shape. My mother tongue is Bengali though I have never read/write the language in school or college. But the thoughts/views/emotions come really easy this way.

People who doesn’t understand this language refer to my amateur write up page- 

https://riyasownspace.wordpress/about/

Now let’s get into the mood. Calm..

                     ” Hoito ”  (may be)

“Aj shokal thekei money bhetor ta kemon aan Chan korche.Chokh duto pordar bhanj gulo te Jeno kichu khuje berachhe.

Kichu ki harate cholechi naki kichu orjon korte cholechi, konotai bhebe uthte parchina.

Moner bhetorer ghor ta te Jeno onek rongin phool phuteche.Phooler sugandhe jemon Chari pas ta sugondhito hoye geche temni Phooler daaler kanta gulo gendhe bosche booker bhetor. Se Ekta mishti  jontrona jetake kichutei dure thele rakhte parchina.

Sudhu bhebe cholechi sei muhurto tir Katha.

Aar toh ko Ekta din matro, tar por. Ki Hobe tar por. Aami ki ar aami thakbo? Naki harie jabo kothao tar prantore..

Shei Ekta khon, jar opekkha ke jane koto bochor dhore kore cholechi. Shei chotto bela theke koto golpo sunechi Raja rani ar pori der. Ebar amar pori sajar somoi. Kintu porider songsar ta kemon hoi koi seta toh kono golpe bole deini.

Koto proshno, tar koto uttor,nijei nijeke kore cholechi. Kokhon je surjo ta uthe dubeo gelo bujhtei parlam na.

Sudhu bhabchi tar bhalobasar Katha, tar preet-er katha, ar mone pore jachhe babar oi clanto mukh ta jokhon se amake bidei korbe. Amar mone phoolsojjar sopno ar tar mone bicched er byatha. Kikore parbe amar hath ta karur hath e tule dite. Chokher jol ta kichutei Chokher kon theke porte debe na ar mukh theke phute porbe bhalobasar Kota sobdo. Ar maa-er book ta tokhon gorbhe phoole uthbe amar kopaler lal rong ta dekhe.

Ar aami Sudhu cheye thakbo tar mukh tar dike. Tar chokher bhetor e sei bhalobasa ta khuje berabo. Se ki bujhbe amar ontorer obostha ta.

Hoito bujhbe hoito na. Ki jani….

Porer din doftarkhanae gie attendance register er opor nijer naam ta likhte gie ki pen ta atke jab? Mon ta thomke jabe kichukhon er jonno? Ki likhbo ami sekhane!  Amar naam ki?

Sobai amake notun chokhe dekhbe. Ekjon notun porichita aami tokhon. Sottyi ki taai? Aami ki notun hoye jabo? Aami ki ar aami thakbona? ”

This belongs to my diary entry dated 10.08.2015. A few days before my marriage registry. Hence I poured all my emotions/mixed feelings /dilemma of a girl who is about to get married,who is as happy to start a new life with her beloved partner and as sad to feel apart from her parents. I think every girl can relate to this at some point of time as she gets a new identity after her wedding whether she wants or not.

 Much love

Riya